i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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