I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
