Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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