No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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