what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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