oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
handjob tips. give me some.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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