I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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