What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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