never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
