I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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