just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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