you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
should my penis look like a turkey
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
