I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
