So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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