I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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