Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
