THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
