your parents love me but you hate me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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