please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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