my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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