i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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