Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
