Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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