how can u be prego again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
