I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
