Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
