batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great