I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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