It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality