hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud