It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?