Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch