on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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