Too much gin, very little bucket
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
