I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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