we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
