FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize