my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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