Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
