i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
