see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
