piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
