party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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