Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
