mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
