No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
