I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Randomize
