jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
