i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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