I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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