Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
