i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
