We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
