I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
