Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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