Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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