i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
