Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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