i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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