Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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