I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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