Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
