don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
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If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I want a musical about memes.
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