when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
