about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
