you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
