so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
