Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
