Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
