Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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