I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
