Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
