My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
