i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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